Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
