All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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