Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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