apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
