i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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