I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
