i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
