Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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