just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
