Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
