What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize