To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
this just has baby written all over it
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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