The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
