How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
