Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
