I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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