dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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