she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
