my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
