Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
