paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
hell yes lets make some ravioli
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
