he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize