dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
