No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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