Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
