People in love make me want to vomit
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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