I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
