bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
