Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
