We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
