You just made me feel so damn special
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
