She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
