I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
