I want to have your abortion
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
