woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
