me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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