I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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