I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
bring money and cleavage
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
