just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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