My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
