you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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