just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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