I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We smell like vodka and hangover
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