We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
