that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
