This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
