You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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