I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
