Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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