the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
