Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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