College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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