I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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