i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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