Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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