Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
