im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
