I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize