how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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