well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize