just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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