Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize