During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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